Why have I decided to Isolate from the world? I have chosen to live a lonely life. Really, i am a
loser by choice. For a while now I have made excuses to not hang out with people when they
have asked if i want to go here or there. You know, people who I have been in contact with
recently I have been pleasant and amiable with them, but kep them at arm's length. Just the
other day i was at my group (this is a dual diagnosis group I go to) and a good looking woman asked if i would like to go for coffee. I said i was a little to busy of late. I laughed a little to myself after that one. And a couple people from work asked if I would like to go out for drinks,
i declined and mumbled something about my mother I think.
But yeah, it seems like wherever I go and the new people I meet, they seem to like me, after all I am an amiable fellow and treat people with respect, but I just prefer to spen my down time alone.There are of course many people I hold in contempt. Those who do not understand sarcasm or if I am putting on a persona (this happens often if I choose to participate in online forum, but even in real life. See the persona I put on is actually me mocking the uglier
side, the underbelly of the human spectrum. I don't know how people go through life without a sense of humor. And if you can't wrap your mind around a multi-layered critique of humanity then I shall avoid you like the plague. So except for the snus forum (i have
been off cigarettes for about 4 or 5 months.
Still snusing. I post on the snus forum where I am well liked every now and then, but havegiven up posting on other internet forums. There really is a whole lot of negative enrgy and cynism when people get on their computers.Got a week ahead of me and I must put in more hours playing poker. This is the thing that may keep me from ever going pro, putting in the hours. Having the discipline to put in the hours. And poker is hard work. I have given the impression through my entries that this is easy money. From $2 to $50 to $500 and now over $2000. During this process I had a 40 buyin downswing and a month long break even strecth that began to eat away at my soul. I was able to recover though as I knew I would. I do not get emotionally involved in the game. I really don't to high when I lose or to down when I win. OOps, vice versa .. I have
learned the art of detaching. While a losing streak or break even stretch may leave me somewhat frustrated it is nothing really. yo mam...
But yeah, i gotta play more.This weekend I just watched some of the ncaa tournament games, slept, and drank. Pretty boring life actually that's why this blog might not work out. Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I could have gone to dinner with my brother who I rarely see on saturday night, but I declined of course.
Sometimes I get sleep paralysis. THis happens once or month or so and it happened to me after a nap on saturday. I am always in a half-awake state and rarely I will see things. This is not a psychiatric problem, but some people do hallucinate during sleep paralysis and this time I saw this old woman in a flower apron by the bed. Just got this decaying kind of negative feeling from her. this will happen twice or so a year. This presence and visual hallucination. It's always a sapping experience and the last time it was six months ago. Again after a nap in a half awake state I fell asleep on the couch and awoke to a women in the kitchen in a very tattered , threadbare dress that seemed was buried in the earth for 200 years. I always see kind of a faint image, and feel it would become clearer if I don't close my eyes tight as the image materializes. Kind of weird, but it is no episode or anything, just a byproduct of sleep paralysis. Some people in different cultures believe this a visit from an evil spirit draining my energy. Who knows maybe it is. I don't really care all that much either way as long as they don't do it too often.
Whatchya gone and do?
that's about all for now.
I hope you enjoyed chopin! (the link above)
loser by choice. For a while now I have made excuses to not hang out with people when they
have asked if i want to go here or there. You know, people who I have been in contact with
recently I have been pleasant and amiable with them, but kep them at arm's length. Just the
other day i was at my group (this is a dual diagnosis group I go to) and a good looking woman asked if i would like to go for coffee. I said i was a little to busy of late. I laughed a little to myself after that one. And a couple people from work asked if I would like to go out for drinks,
i declined and mumbled something about my mother I think.
But yeah, it seems like wherever I go and the new people I meet, they seem to like me, after all I am an amiable fellow and treat people with respect, but I just prefer to spen my down time alone.There are of course many people I hold in contempt. Those who do not understand sarcasm or if I am putting on a persona (this happens often if I choose to participate in online forum, but even in real life. See the persona I put on is actually me mocking the uglier
side, the underbelly of the human spectrum. I don't know how people go through life without a sense of humor. And if you can't wrap your mind around a multi-layered critique of humanity then I shall avoid you like the plague. So except for the snus forum (i have
been off cigarettes for about 4 or 5 months.
Still snusing. I post on the snus forum where I am well liked every now and then, but havegiven up posting on other internet forums. There really is a whole lot of negative enrgy and cynism when people get on their computers.Got a week ahead of me and I must put in more hours playing poker. This is the thing that may keep me from ever going pro, putting in the hours. Having the discipline to put in the hours. And poker is hard work. I have given the impression through my entries that this is easy money. From $2 to $50 to $500 and now over $2000. During this process I had a 40 buyin downswing and a month long break even strecth that began to eat away at my soul. I was able to recover though as I knew I would. I do not get emotionally involved in the game. I really don't to high when I lose or to down when I win. OOps, vice versa .. I have
learned the art of detaching. While a losing streak or break even stretch may leave me somewhat frustrated it is nothing really. yo mam...
But yeah, i gotta play more.This weekend I just watched some of the ncaa tournament games, slept, and drank. Pretty boring life actually that's why this blog might not work out. Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I could have gone to dinner with my brother who I rarely see on saturday night, but I declined of course.
Sometimes I get sleep paralysis. THis happens once or month or so and it happened to me after a nap on saturday. I am always in a half-awake state and rarely I will see things. This is not a psychiatric problem, but some people do hallucinate during sleep paralysis and this time I saw this old woman in a flower apron by the bed. Just got this decaying kind of negative feeling from her. this will happen twice or so a year. This presence and visual hallucination. It's always a sapping experience and the last time it was six months ago. Again after a nap in a half awake state I fell asleep on the couch and awoke to a women in the kitchen in a very tattered , threadbare dress that seemed was buried in the earth for 200 years. I always see kind of a faint image, and feel it would become clearer if I don't close my eyes tight as the image materializes. Kind of weird, but it is no episode or anything, just a byproduct of sleep paralysis. Some people in different cultures believe this a visit from an evil spirit draining my energy. Who knows maybe it is. I don't really care all that much either way as long as they don't do it too often.
Whatchya gone and do?
that's about all for now.
I hope you enjoyed chopin! (the link above)
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