Stagnation..

Stagnation without relaxation. That's how my game is going. I'm down 5 buy ins (pretty much even) for 2 weeks or so. Lot of stress involved as well. I play an sng style that is aggressive and prone to swings. When I stay even I get restless and tend to make plays 4 handed or five handed. My bluffs have panned out and I feel I have almost willed myself to break even considering how the cards have fallen lately. So I am actually happy with my play to have only been down 5 buy ins with my bad luck. My nerves get somewhat worn though. I work part-time at a job I hate, and I play poker part-time to supplement my income. The poker is mentally draining and not too enjoybale anymore, but I make more money playing poker than at my dead end job that I hate. The two work togehter to make a modest, at best, income. I decided a part time job would be a good idea as safety net- the guarnateed income. As I move up in stakes I will make more playing poker, provided I can beat those stakes, and make a decent income. That's what I'm aiming for and have been aiming for since I started with $2. What a fuckin grind though.

here's the song of the month btw.\

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uBEG_LArTQ

This is a great group- tatu.
Have always been a huge fan and the builup for this song is greta.
The lyrics are gold as well.

I strongly suggest you copy and paste the link. I don't do a standard link cuz I don't wnat my blog to be linked up to youtube. Between you and me I would actually not like a huge following for my blog or to be too visible. I move in the shadows, quiet as a flame.

Not doing great, I am experiencing depression but it is not depbilitating. sometimes I really have to push myself to get through the day. If I give in to the depression that will mean I simply go to sleep and miss work and not play poker and miss any other obligations I have for the day. I have not done this and I have grinded my way through another week. I have gotten to the point where I can manage my depression and not let it disrupt my life, as it did before, because I have grown more accustomed to the feeling and have been able to cope with it better with time.

when I was younger the depression would scare me. I would worry the depression would never go away and the feeling would be new to me. It would be shocking, horrible, and deflating. A sense of panic would rise in me and I would ask myself 'will this ever go away'? So with experience I know that it does go away, and the only way to beat depression is to fight it. There is however a great sense of failure when I look at my life. But I have to remember, as my therapist told me, I was dealt a bad hand with my schizoaffective disorder, and have actually done better than most with my diagnosis and have handled it very well.

There are times i take pleasure in my own psychic pain. It sounds strange, but soetimes I am glad my life is not a walk in the park. Akmost as if my feelings of despair and hopelessness are only natural repsonses to life. There are times when I almost take on my misery and challenge myself. Can I do this or do that when I feel like this. Trudging through life and doing everything that is expected of me even when I feel horrible, it has become somewhat of a challenge. A challenge I have come to enjoy. Sounds a little starnge, maybe doesn't make much sense, but that's where I am right now.

bangin'

that's what this song is bangin'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rTufRpbdZg

so if your looking for a song that ain't bangin and that sucks, don't copy and paste this link, cuz you will be dissapointed.

The last sunday before I played in the battle of planets triplke shootout. Shootout tourny's you have to win your table and then you move on and play other people who won their tables. So there is no continous rotation. It is a multi-table tourny, but new players are not added onto the tables to replace someone who bust out. Instead, the table is played out until there is one winner.

Well, I won my first table. For this I recieved about $200. The next tabkle (which is all players who won their previous tables) i got heads up, but ended up coming second . :(

I had a three to one chip lead, but blew it on a bluff and then a slow play on my part with KK. The first hand that did me in, (he showed his cards so I can be sure of what happened) He raised in the SB with 62 offsuit. I called with Q9 offsuit. Flop came Kd, 2s, Ac. I bet out the pot and he re-raised me all in. It was a good play, but I was suprised that he didn't fold. So then I busted by completing the SB with KK. That means I just called and slowplayed the KK. He bet out and I pusdhed pre flop. He called and hit a straight on the river and bam it was over. If I had beat this guy the least I could have won was $900 and first place was $12,000. Oh well. I'm still grinding the $20 sngs and am at $2500 as of this blog entry.



-duval76